dear reader,
im not too sure how to start this. so im just going to come clean.
im scared. im scared that my future won't look the way i want it to or the way i think it should. my mind has been meditating on only that since the day before yesterday. i feel like now, at the age of 17, i should be seeking to fulfill my plans. And i haven't even graduated high school yet! im just about to start my senior year. do you see anything wrong with that yet?
if you read my post from Sunday it seems i should take up my own advice, right? i know. But even the believer doubts sometimes. i've been thinking about what i really wanna do with my life. Pediatrician and Photographer are the big ones right now. i know that's what i want. I can't see myself doing anything else. i know that being a Pediatrician is what God called me to do. i have this undescribable love for kids. And the desire to help them overpowers me sometimes. Mainly because i have not the means to help them. I see children hurting all over the world through commercials, ads on the Internet, or my favorite artist promoting the foundations they are involved in... and everytime, my heart sinks. I feel guilty because i haven't done anything.
This dream of mine, began when i was probably 14-15. It all started with a toy drive my church held, at first i thought "oh sweet, we get to give toys out." But then it became more than that for me. I wasn't just giving out toys, for the sake of doing it. Or for volunteer work with my church, i was making kids smile. Perhaps for the first time that Christmas, they felt hope. And they were happy, because they were actually getting toys. And i was a part of the reason why they were smiling. I know i didn't provide the the toys for them, but i was helping to pass them out.
There's another situation, where i knew God was beginning to call my name. My mom had this friend who would come over sometimes and the'd talk. Well one day, during the toy-drive week that Christmas, she was telling my mom that her husband and her weren't gonna be able to give their kids presents that Christmas. We as grown people, know 1- that Santa isn't real, and 2- that Christmas isn't about the presents. But imagine telling that to some little kids, not the best idea in the world. So, ill spare you all the details. I overheard them talking and immediately i knew i felt the need to bring bags from the toy-drive home for them. And any other kids around the complex. I did, and they were distributed to them, and the smile on their faces, specially on my mom's friend's kids, was... priceless. Won't ever forget it.
So i guess you could say the fire starting burning in me since, but i haven't been able to feed it. My heart still jumps, sinks, smiles everytime i see kids suffering, happy, or being blessed through various programs, still, i wish i was a part of it though. But the Lord knows what he's doing, i know.
That "rush" i experienced, of wanting to get things done on my own, the rush to get started for fear of running out of time, led me to another beautiful encounter with God. Yesterday, i went with my younger sister to get the mail. I accompanied her because i knew i had to get out, and see the Glory of God around me to realize, that there's no rush! He will do with my life whatever He wants to, whenever He wants to. Not on my watch. I had a lovely talk with her, i explained to her what i was going through and i why i felt the way i did. And it was good to get it off my chest.
I told her, i really wanna be a Pediatrician, and a Photographer. I have immense passions for both. I also commented that i wasn't sure if i could be both? I tried to think on a more realistic level, can i do many years trying to study how to be a great Pediatrician and also how to be a great Photographer in the processs...at the same time? The answer was, im not sure. I believe i can, because i believe in a great God. And He tells me to dream, and not be afraid. He tells me "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." -Romans 8:28. So i have faith, not that both of my passions or dreams, will work out, but that the Lord will do what He knows is best for my life. Whatever it is, it's the best. That's all He knows, the best. And that's all i want. In the end my sister and i figured out, we are treasuring our dreams from home right now. <3
On Photography.
Meanwhile, i've been indulging in my other passion. Photography. This morning sister and i went out after our workout and took pictures around the complex. it was beautiful! I was absolutely stunned at the results! Here are some of the pictures that came out, and are my favorites. :) hope you like! feel free to comment as well.
photo credit: meee ;)
photo credit: meee ;)
photo credit: meee ;)
photo credit: my little sister ;)
So, in conclusion. The Lord has been great. He has spoken to me through many people, even those whom i do not know. Like other bloggers, *www.annieblogs.com* so amazing! Check out her blogs, she has some cool stuff on there. :) And also Photographers, like Skip Hopkins *www.skiphopkins.com* and Jeremy Cowart, *www.jeremycowart.com* Both are amazing Photographers, and both of their websites were just updated! I encourage you to check 'em out and show em some love :) If not for anything but the pleasure of looking at beautiful art. :)
The "rush" i experienced was nothing, the Lord gives me even better feelings. No matter what happens, Pursing My Dreams, will continue to be ;My Heartbeat.
all my love,
gabyyy
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